Ted Heiner was my teacher in high school for two years in a row, Trigonometry as a junior and Physics as a senior. His classroom was upstairs in the “annex” of the high school, where most of the math and science teachers taught.
Mr. Heiner was about five feet ten, well-rounded in the middle, and always carried himself with quiet authority. His dry humor could sneak up on you, and when he smiled, you could tell he was secretly a softy beneath his strict teacher exterior. He was also brilliant. I learned a lot from him over those two years. He is one of my favorite teachers from my time at Star Valley High School.
Mr. Heiner’s classroom looked like every classic science classroom should: stone-top desks that seated two students each, three drawers dividing the middle, and the faint smell of chalk that seemed to hang in the air. I sat in the front left corner of the classroom, second row back. My desk partner was John Jorgenson. We had sat together at the same desk the previous year in Trigonometry.
The Two-Day Test Tradition
In Trigonometry, Mr. Heiner often gave tests that lasted two days. He taught one class during first period and another during fourth period, right before lunch. This setup created an irresistible opportunity for the first-period class.
It became a bit of an open secret that a student would “borrow” a copy of the test during first period. This test copy was usually delivered to me during the passing period or at lunch (I was in the fourth-period class). I would work through the problems before my class met, then return the exam to my friends so they could use it for reference on the second day.
At the time, I did not think of it as cheating. I was not looking up answers or copying from a book. I knew how to solve the problems myself. Looking back now, especially as a professor who teaches about academic integrity, I can see how it might have crossed a few ethical lines. But at seventeen, it just felt like one of those harmless small-school traditions.
The Paddle on the Wall
Mr. Heiner had a reputation around Star Valley High for keeping students in line. Hanging on the front right-hand wall of his classroom, about picture-frame height, was an 18-inch-long paddle. It was four inches wide, with four or five holes drilled into the business end and a smaller hole in the handle so it could hang on a nail. Everyone knew what it was for.
One day, two students, John Jorgenson and Mike Erickson, were misbehaving. Mr. Heiner warned them a couple of times, but they kept at it. Finally, he calmly called them to the front of the room. The chatter in the classroom went silent.
He took the paddle down and explained the rule. He could only swing the paddle from a distance equal to the paddle’s length. One by one, they bent over, and he carefully measured the distance before taking his swing. When the paddle cracked, it echoed off the walls like a gunshot. Nobody in that classroom ever forgot it, and nobody ever tested him again.
A New Year, A Familiar Teacher
When senior year rolled around, I found myself once again in Mr. Heiner’s classroom, this time for Physics. I sat in my usual spot next to John. On the first day, as Mr. Heiner called roll to get to know the class, he got to John’s name, paused, looked up, and asked, “John, are you planning to do your own work this year, or are you just going to copy off of Jasperson again?”
The whole room laughed. John and I looked at each other and laughed too. It was the perfect Mr. Heiner blend of humor and truth.
The Law of Attraction
Later that year, we were discussing the law of universal gravitation and the formula describing the attraction between two objects based on their mass. Mr. Heiner stood at the front of the class, chalk in hand, explaining that the greater the mass of two objects, the greater the gravitational attraction between them.
As he wrote the formula on the chalkboard, he stopped mid-sentence, glanced over at John, and said, “John, here is a law of physics you can use to your advantage. The next time you see Sami, your girlfriend, tell her that it does not matter if she gains weight. It will only increase your attraction to her.”
The room exploded with laughter. John took it in stride, laughing right along with the rest of us. I do not know if he ever shared that one with Sami; she was a year younger and not in the class, but I know plenty of others did.
Looking Back
I have great memories of Mr. Heiner, his dry humor, his fairness, and his ability to keep control of a class while still making learning fun. He taught at Star Valley High for 33 years, primarily teaching Earth Science, Trigonometry, and Physics. His youngest son, ElDee, was a senior on the wrestling team with me when I was a freshman.
Mr. Heiner retired after a long and distinguished teaching career and passed away in 2013. He was one of those teachers who left a lasting mark, not just for what he taught, but for how he taught it.
SIDE NOTE: My children have cousins who are direct descendants of Mr. Heiner. Their father, Chris Mower, is Mr. Heiner's grandson. To learn more about Mr. Ted Heiner’s life and legacy, you can read his obituary at Schwab Mortuary.
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